Give up this fight.

because my feelings consume my very being
and I no longer know what i am seeing
and i can't afford to lose my mind again
for broken love every now and then

What's left but to write.

* * *


What's left there to try?
when i can barely cry
and question the why
yet there's still no goodbye
and the river is dry
with the last of my sigh
and the both of our lies
always in a disguise


what's left there to say?
and convince me to stay
always feeling betrayed
maybe wait one more day
and we'll soon find a way
i do hope, and i pray
still these games we do play
yet we can't walk away

what's left there to think?
always feeling my heart sink
when i'm right on the brink
with this knot to unlink

what's left there to do?
when you want to be true
and all i feel is blue
well, i just haven't got a clue...


* * *

a tale of nothing.

when suddenly mere words seem too dull
and lifeless to even begin to explain
just exactly every single thing
and exactly the way i would say

so, it's best to say nothing
and cause some distraction
cuz it's more than my actions
giving such dissatisfaction

too weird, much too tangled
to draw you a picture
and no matter the reasons
no one's ever really sure

i don't understand it
i can't seem to make sense
and now the air all around
has gotten really tense

it's not what i choose
or how i planned anything
when i can't comprehend
when no one speaks or even sings

when neither me and neither him
and never you it ever was
and it never really mattered
just because it never does

if i could change it up one way
and shape it up just perfectly
i still would not be clear
on how to mould the plaster here

so as i send apologies
for being stubborn, cold, abrupt
there are no answers or replies
so no one dares to interrupt.

I don't have a title.

trash removal on this day
only to avoid such total dismay
when i want to pick up and go
and just start on a brand new road
away from the chaos inside of my mind
to whatever simple peace that i might find
when the path is marked for disaster
it's only normal to wanna run faster
and quicken my pace
maybe vanish without a trace
it'd be nice. it'd be good
i really would if i could
when i can't seem to fight
or hold on with my might
and life just swallows you whole
and spits you further from your goal
not that you even knew
at any moment just what to do
but isolation seems best right now
while these lines are forming in my brow
on knowing why or when or what
can pull me out of this fucking rut
some space to think and figure out
just what the hell this shit's about
and in the meantime i'll drift away
to silence all the things i cannot say.

Second Best.

in the sidelines
waiting ever so patiently
and biding time
and counting tiles
while making wishes on stars so bright
while looking blindly in your eyes
a hope of maybe simple things
to come on such a winter day
so cold and fierce a wind
sending shivers far and wide
though being held so tight, confined
this embrace is neither warm nor bound
that leaves me frigid once untied
and waiting on the promise of
a chance and better things to come
but neither here and neither there
the shore is still so far away
and i'm a shell kept hidden well
to peek and prod when feelings swell
admired in a close kept spot
and shut out from the rays above
cuz time... there's always some around
and who needs cages when we can roam around
to hell with all the boundaries
is that the only thing you see?
in me and all you you think is free..??
when night's the only time we roam
when other things will catch your eye
and take you far from time to time
and patience is a virtue they say
one long and tried and cumbersome
too heavy of a hand to hold
when it tugs in both directions
always pulling off to either side
where waiting seems so tedious
and maybe in vain
cuz i feel the pain
so devastatingly
with knowing that for now in time
and possibly for always
i'll never be the first in line
but rest assured, i'm second best.

on lock down.

behind closed doors. kept under lock and key
where people all around us cannot hear or see
can't even tell which day or what the time may be
with the lies laid all around us always meant to deceive

and still i stay closeby with my humble plea
and the hours growing closer will only agree
that you need to make decisions when it comes to me
because this undercover story needs to be set free

out in the open and proclaimed and out onto the sea
from tops of mountains and from even dark & deep valleys
in open fields, out in the streets and high above all trees
you need to choose.. let's make this real. stop playing make-believe.

Imbalance in the scales.

crashing to the ground
i cannot make a sound
and i cannot give you time
when i know that you're not mine
and maybe never will be
and not the way i see
because you'd feel it in your heart
if you knew we'd never part
and i can't seem to shake
this feeling, i can't break
the way you hesitate
with every thing you state
longer pauses and decisions
while everything around me spins
when giving up means finally
and closing doors so effortlessly
i don't think that it's true
that you're giving me what's due
when i'd give up the world and it's entirety for you.
but you know that
and you always did
i'm just waiting for it to come out of your words
and in everything that you do.
and only until then.
but i'm afraid that time has come to pass.
because i'm afraid that it's not going to last.
i'm afraid that it's just not your vision
and i'm afraid that no amount of wishing
and praying and talking
is going to make you change your mind.
so.. i bid thee adieu
time.. you have lots.
and i still sit still like i always do..
and i'll still remain existing only for you.