Saturday, April 25, 2009

Raising this white flag.

always here, with always smiles
wanting you to stay awhile
always here and never there
always so much wear and tear
always seeing sumpin bright
always trying to win this fight
always thinking something new
always feeling all that's true

always being dragged into
but i don't mind, when it's with you
always fears and always thoughts
with every do's and all do nots.
but keeping time with this here beat
and it's always such a special treat
to always find something like this
and it's something i would never miss

cuz it's always better now and then
always knew that in the end
that tomorrow brings a brighter day
and maybe now it's here to stay
always trying to rid these things
and throwing out these broken rings
of always fading promises
of things that i will never miss

but i always knew, always i did
that i always cowered, i always hid
and always never opened much
was always simply out of touch
and it's always simply trial and error
regardless of this always terror
but i'm always hoping for the best
no longer crippled with regret

[ ~G.B ]

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Stuck on a verse.

what sense is this now?
of not comprehending
and how we're pretending
no use in denying that there's still something pending..

how much does it cost?
when i'm all out of money
and you're finding it funny
how we're tossing and turning around this quite plainly

can you please make it stop?
when it takes up all time
and these words that i rhyme
makes me think all in all, this is still such a crime

but i stall as a stammer..
when i'm trying to conceal
just the way that i feel
cuz i fear that it's just one more thing that's not real.

[ ~G.B ]

Thursday, April 16, 2009

I found this from long ago.

I wish I hadn't met you, I wish you wouldn't stay
I wish I didn't love you, I wish you'd go away
I wish it wouldn't hurt so much If I were to leave you now
I wish I wasn't quite so delicate I wish I just knew how
To turn my heart around To turn my life around
To leave you now and, To lighten the load
I fall in love so magically I am blind to all your faults
Even when you hurt me, I can't deny my feelings
I wish you weren't so selfish And would for once think of me
I wish you would just open your eyes But I know that you can't see
Just what you do to me, When you deny my feelings
When you expect me to love, You for what you do wrong.
You lie to me You tell me you'll change
I am so tired now, Of your petty little game
So change me, Change me Make me blind
Tear you heart out and then try mine
Change me, Change me Make me see
Just every little thing you do to me


Monday, April 13, 2009

the end of the beginning.

don't believe it
will not see it
cannot see the truth in it
smoke and mirrors
fog and bright lights
i can't even try and trust it
who am i now?
watching closely
hesitate with every step
can't approve it
won't allow this
it's better off if i forget
much deception
lies and tall tales
lure and tender words at play
but i'm broken down
and falling now
and now i see with much dismay
of fancy stories
told of glory
making bubbles in my heart
but i can see that
it's much better
if we do not even start.

[ ~G.B ]

far long gone.

it's hard to turn it off
it's hard to shut it down
it's hard to make it go away
and take away this frown

it's hard to change it now
it's hard to turn the wheel
it's hard to understand it now
it's hard this way i feel

it's much too strong you see
it's much too much for me
it's growing ever rapidly
and i know it isn't free

i cannot stop it now
it's far long gone you see
and it hurts me much too much
and now it's far too late for me...

[ ~G.B ]

Saturday, April 11, 2009


it's like the same
for every thing
and when i reach this point
it all starts to spin
and i dive head first
to the ground in a panic
with all that surrounds me
and i'm feeling quite manic
getting high on such magic
finally reaching good feeling
but i grind to a halt
and completely start reeling
what is it that happens
when all starts to make sense
when the dust starts to settle
and when i'm not feeling so tense
what comes into play here
that turns on this switch
making me frantic, i'm anguished
driving straight into this ditch
maybe i'm scared
and maybe i'm lost
and maybe i'm not ready
to put out for the cost
of losing myself
once more over again
cuz it's maybe not worth
anything, not now and not then
who's sure of the reasons
that send me down this road
of repeating once overs
even though i've been told
let go of what's been
and move on in a line
and forget what's been done
and unravel this bind
but it's easier said
than done that's for sure
cuz it's too hard to manage
a heart that's so pure
but i'm tryin.. i'm pushin
towards forward on ahead
and it's better than quitting
staying still, playin dead
and no matter how much
that i know it's been gone
and no matter how far
and how vile, and how wrong
despite having known
that it's better this way
there's no way of escaping
it's the price that i pay
when you try to let go
and forget what's been past
it was never what's right
never would ever last
when all that's left here
isn't even what's real
they're just lingering roots
of some traumatic ordeal
when you don't know the why
or the how's of such things
of why do we grasp tightly
cutting off our own wings
and we bury ourselves
with the pain of before
staying still in one spot
never wanting much more
but it's not what i want
and nor what i choose
it's a spell i must break
cuz there's too much to lose
i'm aware of this sickness
that seems to emcompass
all that sits here within me
thrown into this abyss
yet i plan out my days
with a much brighter view
and perhaps a new vision
of me and of you
but it's hard to imagine
something real and so stable
when i've always been habit
to this game on this table
of card tricks and illusions
all this lust and mistrust
but it's all gone away
and it's all turned to rust
still, i'll plow on straight through
with desire so strong
and these days pass so quickly
but the nights are still long
of a dream yet to finish
and a day still to pass
because you were never the first
and not even the last
i'll see that this road
rolls out on to and end
and i'll pick the next turn
when i come to that bend
cuz i'm through with fixation
and this cage i'm within
and it's time to forget
all these places i've been
it's time to erase
all these pictures i see
and it's time to turn off
this dark dreary memory
and a promise of a future
better, brighter.. longer still
cuz it's obvious from now on
most of all is now downhill
from overcoming much of this
and living through the bulk of this
i see there's nothing here to hold me
and even less here that i miss
so break the mould, and erase
this book you put up on this shelf
and now it's finally time
to set me free.. release myself.

[ ~G.B. ]

Thursday, April 9, 2009

this is hard.

what is the truth that lays beneath me
when i'm drowning in madness that deafens the soul
when i'm gasping for air and a sense of direction
what is what's real in this world that surrounds me
when my insides collapse with a slight shift in weight
when i don't know what's down on this ground below me
when i can't see through this cloudy fog that angers me
where are all these answers and this way i should go
when i'm feeling withdrawn from this world that i know
and i'm lost with confusion of what i should choose
cuz the answers aren't easy within me, they're covered you see
i'm stumbling blindly and grabbing at roots..
that fall away easily with the littlest touch
where is that next corner that i'm destined to turn
confusion that blinds .. lights that sting.. and sounds that alarm
all is a chaos.. distorted perceptions.. that cloud up your mind
masking the way.. changing the scene.... it's all such a mess..
it pulls you towards nothing.. and pushes you into something
that makes no more sense to you than it did from before
and then after it's worse.. when the characters switch
and the storyline alters.. the settings they change
the props are all different.. but the lines all the same.
i know nothing more today.. than i did yesterday
and it's not anymore clear.. than what i've seen just last year.
and i'm frantically trying to control my pace.. in this race
but i'm falling fast backwards..and i'm losing my stride..
i just need to get there.. to where it may be
where i can see me.. and know me.. and then maybe
i can finally learn and comprehend what it means to be here.

[ ~G.B ]

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I have no title for this one.

There was never one time
when i ever did think
that any of it
was ever for me

not one fleeting moment
not even one stare
not mine, never will
you were just never there

so vacant and far
you never did show
it wasn't at all
never said, nothing told

never did feel it
never did know it
it's always been absent
so, i've always been clueless

i'm baffled by most
of these actions i see
cuz it makes no more sense
than the lines that i read

confused by the lack of
and absent attraction
you've now become one of
my most worst distractions

yet i push it away
and i close off all doors
There is no entrance this way
Much worse than what's before.

But i still have no answer
just this pull that grows strong
for whatever strange reason
saying it is here i belong..

[ ~G.B ]

(unfinished work)

Back to you.

it always comes right back to you.
i'm not even sure when it started
and when all thoughts have gone amuck
it makes no difference that we parted

the loss of the time changes nothing
and common distractions are there
but they're never the same of it even
though they're sweet and incredibly fun

of pureness of heart and such sweetness
that longs for my soft tender touch
and wanting to choose what is bestest
seems i'm asking you for far too much..

but no matter how pretty the prospect
no matter how shiney, how new
doesn't matter how much they distract me
it always comes right back to you.

What's this?

too much to write
inspite of this
where one half of him
is half from past
and one half from back
to end. and front
the same in one
and two of them
but yet so different
you can see
from front to end
and back and forth
there may be something
dear, which dear that's there
that i see here
that seems the same
and was in some ways
but still a world apart
and now.. it's in my heart.

Me against the world.

on the ridge
on my own
with this view
mine alone
no one else
not a soul
who can sit
on this ridge
of my own
made of stone
that i've carved out each day
each day that i stayed
and i left.. then i strayed...
but it's here that i lay
on this ridge
that i carved
on my own
made of stone
not a soul, not a shared moment
or a thought, or a tale that's been lost
on this ridge
carved of stone
like a throne
but it's tough
and it's rough
when yer back is towards
the ocean ever wide
against all the rest
of the men of this earth
cornered into this spot
on this ridge
called my throne
now my home
and it's here that I'm stuck
and it's where all is fucked
on my own
all alone
on this ridge
carved in stone
bare as bone
mine alone...