afraid to let you in.

a vulnerability like no other
susceptibility to this pain..
i lead a life far from others..
i tend to like it most that way
far in between the way you move me
i cannot shake this hold it has
of me and to the deepest core
and seems to last eternally
i know you well.. more than the others
i seem to have been here once before
a familiarity that lingers deeply
i know not what it means at all
for in the past that brings me closer
and draws me deeper down this hole
of what entwines us both together
from somewhere far and long ago
it scares me so to let you in
it frightens me most violently
the burn of fire quite this bright
must leave a mark if left unchecked
how do you tend to such a flame?
that shows you all your darkest parts?
yet tenderly warms up the spots
that have been hidden since the start
it beckons me with such a hunger
but still i turn away so swift
geography is no match at all
for this thread the binds two souls as such
but today i see it differently
so tired and so worn..
as i bring my white flag upwardly
it's time to stop this war..
a war within my very heart
that's kept me far away
from all the joys that long for me
and have lead me so astray
i raise my hands most definitely
towards the sky above
and i know i lay it on the line
to show myself right now......

but i need to be clear
and i need to be quick
and I need to say all that has come to the top
this is all about me
and all the things that i see
when i'm faced with all reality
is it wrong to believe
that we all have reprieve
if only for one quick short moment?
this space here is mine
i made it this way
so sacred , so quiet and free
i fought far too long
in battles before
to risk making this all go away
it's scary, you see
and you've never been one
to have all your cards out on the table
and it's shady, you see
to trust less than i see
when there's never assurance before me
but to know what i feel
is to know what is real
and i cannot deny it no longer
and it hurts when i breathe
how you run away, dear
but the road is a long one before us
so, i write all of this
to unload my burden
that falls heavy upon my bare chest
but you know all the rest
it's been said quite a bit
and i know that eternity's near

so, i propose one last thing
that you'll come to my end
and decide what it is that you feel
and perhaps you will see
that this road you will join
if you make it your mission to heal
i know you are strong
you're one of a kind
your passion and brightness astounds me
even though you don't know
and feel so quite inept..
you're the king of it all.. now just claim it.
or lie once again
and retreat to your caves
and you'll never know richness and greatness
of this kind that brings warmth
to the soul that's within
and a flame that heats hotter with passion
but the fear locks us in
never know or reveal
it's too scary to see how it fails us
not to take any chances
and leave before dancing
it's much safer and better this way..


it's much safer and better
and i know that i'm betting
too much if i just took a chance
cuz the fear is too real
and it takes over me
than to trust that it's a true romance......


{g.b.  03.18.2019}