Goodnight.

when darkness falls
upon these sheets
and all that lays
here by my feet
when i'm broken down
and lost, i'm beat
when all that's left
is such defeat

cuz it's hard to see
through clouded air
when you cannot see
what's really there
and though i'll claim
how all's unfair
i wish i'd be
without a care

cuz mostly now
i'm just right here
and always will be
very near
and always will i
shed a tear
when thinking 'bout
what brought me here.

and sleep it comes
when it will come
and now this day
is far from done
and we're walking tall
this to and from
and it's easier
for sure, for some..


goodnight. goodnight.
from tired restless minds
and souls alike.
with sleep and dreams upon my head
i wish thee now
goodnight.
goodnight.

Most Honest Clarity.

It's funny how from time to time.. you set the glasses down
and suddenly the air, it clears and all the dust it seems to settle
and viewing things that once were cloudy, once were all just muddled
have seem to come so crisp and clear and clean of all distractions

engulfed in such a savage war for years that tired and wasted
every ounce of me.. of soul and mind and being and all that's lasted
of a tug of war, who's right? who's wrong? and endless back and forth
a battle ground that's soaked in blood. and tears from all that's happened

in battle mode, the armour's up.. and teeth and nails come out
you scream, you scratch, you wail and cry and shout your battle cry
no time for clarity and honest actions when defenses are all up
no time to near, no time to feel and witness your own fool actions

of pointing fingers left and right. of blaming all profoundly
i set the tone with lies and tales that only end things badly
of losing sight of basic things and burying all that you have mastered
and now the greatness of it all is lost within this pitiful performance

but it's time to set the daggers down.. and time to drop the shields
because it tires out your every limb and thought, to no avail...
it's time to call the troops in and it's time to raise the flag
and it's finally time to tell it all.. and finally time to sail.

i realize that there's no point in drudging up old memories
but i realize the importance of my confessions coming through to you
and i know how hard it must have been to live with such a burden
of my endless expectations of what should, and would and could have been

causing such commotion on a whim when feelings festered here
and tilted it from here to there and rocked the boat so senselessly
of leaning on your shoulder with a stubborness no one could shake
yet trying to maintain that frigidness and isolated cool and calm

when every moment of every day my world was all a-swarm with you
there's nothing, not a single thing that would've changed that any way
no matter who came in and out, they all just lingered casually...
and in denial i set myself up for nothing more than something temporary

perhaps, deep down i was so fixated on the constant war i played
that i never really cared or wanted more from other comrades
that i never really had the time to really want from something else
cuz i smothered myself involuntarily with forever fading romances

But all in all i see today the error of my most cruel ways
of the tongue that lashes out and cuts and burns and bites so viciously
of a hand that strikes so definitely.. and slams the door so loudly
it's easy to relate to how you've become indifferent to my tactics...

Yet, here i stand most honestly today in total view
to speak of my enlightenment and my new found clarity
for no other reason than to jot it down and clean away my messes
that have clogged and jammed up my insides for way too long a decade

And perhaps to even claim out loud that it wasn't only you at times
that shook and tore the seams apart and strangled these two hearts
in every dance there are two players that meet eachother part of the way
and to dance the dance along this way, it surely takes the both of us

there is no rhyme or reason here, just coming forth with buried words
that have never been known to me before and never been found or told
and i lay them here upon a slate of crumped up old faded dreams
in hopes to clear my sanity and end this long drawn comedy.

it overtakes your mind at will and takes you hostage randomly
and never do you have control of where it dares to take you, break you
It overtakes my mind, my Will and leaves me bleeding sensely....
so, time to clot the wound, once all the refuge has cleared out from it.

a weight so heavy, burdened on my shoulders for too long a time
it gently falls onto the ground and breaks off from my tired heart
my tired mind. my tired eyes. my tired feet that have walked so far
replaced now with much clarity and honesty.... it is a war i wage no longer.


[~G.B]

Hostility.

hostility. insensitivity. manic state of panic.
and everything it makes me swirl and overloaded frantic
insecurity of having you. insecurity of staying true.
and keeping you is just a game i always tend to lose
pushing further. just keep out. don't come too close now
when it's my love on the line.. i send it crashing to the ground


hostility. it's nothing new. nothing new to you.
stability is something vague that never seems to follow through
and still it captures all that's been and all that's now and here
and still i see the things i do. and all i feel i fear.
swelling up, cuz pride is big.. and even bigger is this pain
when all in all it's just another thing that's lost. nothing left to gain


hostility. my one true love. the way i've always known it best
and send them running far and scattered out just like the tired rest
just like a cat. caught in a cage. and lashing out with pointed claws
withdrawing is the only way. and being warey of that dreadful pause
of in betweens and ponderings. and knowing not of what's in store..
but hostility it rescues me and fails me so.. and leaves me worse off than before.


[ ~G.B ]

an open letter to myself.

what is it that you seek this time
and why is it that you hide
what are these things you say my dear
with every time you've cried

what do you want from all out there
what do you need to be
why are those reasons fading fast
and why can't you just be free

is there something you want to have
is there a place you'd rather go
why can't you make your mind up now
what do you want to know

will anything ease your tired mind
and will you ever rest
do you not see beyond the ridge
why can't you just forget

what more do you seek out there
when will you ever pause
and stop fighting for just one day
this tired and poor cause

what is it that you want my love
how can i help you out
cuz i'm tired of this cloudiness
and ways to scream and shout

what can be done to ease this pain
what can be found for you..
when will it be your day my girl
when will it all come true

[ ~G.B ]

Raising this white flag.

always here, with always smiles
wanting you to stay awhile
always here and never there
always so much wear and tear
always seeing sumpin bright
always trying to win this fight
always thinking something new
always feeling all that's true

always being dragged into
but i don't mind, when it's with you
always fears and always thoughts
with every do's and all do nots.
but keeping time with this here beat
and it's always such a special treat
to always find something like this
and it's something i would never miss

cuz it's always better now and then
always knew that in the end
that tomorrow brings a brighter day
and maybe now it's here to stay
always trying to rid these things
and throwing out these broken rings
of always fading promises
of things that i will never miss

but i always knew, always i did
that i always cowered, i always hid
and always never opened much
was always simply out of touch
and it's always simply trial and error
regardless of this always terror
but i'm always hoping for the best
no longer crippled with regret

[ ~G.B ]

Stuck on a verse.

what sense is this now?
of not comprehending
and how we're pretending
no use in denying that there's still something pending..

how much does it cost?
when i'm all out of money
and you're finding it funny
how we're tossing and turning around this quite plainly

can you please make it stop?
when it takes up all time
and these words that i rhyme
makes me think all in all, this is still such a crime

but i stall as a stammer..
when i'm trying to conceal
just the way that i feel
cuz i fear that it's just one more thing that's not real.

[ ~G.B ]

I found this from long ago.

I wish I hadn't met you, I wish you wouldn't stay
I wish I didn't love you, I wish you'd go away
I wish it wouldn't hurt so much If I were to leave you now
I wish I wasn't quite so delicate I wish I just knew how
To turn my heart around To turn my life around
To leave you now and, To lighten the load
I fall in love so magically I am blind to all your faults
Even when you hurt me, I can't deny my feelings
I wish you weren't so selfish And would for once think of me
I wish you would just open your eyes But I know that you can't see
Just what you do to me, When you deny my feelings
When you expect me to love, You for what you do wrong.
You lie to me You tell me you'll change
I am so tired now, Of your petty little game
So change me, Change me Make me blind
Tear you heart out and then try mine
Change me, Change me Make me see
Just every little thing you do to me

(unknown)