Fickle False Reality

fickle, fiendish, unfriendly foe
is neither here nor where i go
of much to fake and falsify
and all's just lies and lies and lies
of climbing ropes to reach the top
just trip them up and do not stop
it's not the means and nor my end
to join this league , translucent trend
where depth and substance matter most
seems like it's lost, become a ghost
when all in all we're all the same?
though never was i in this game
of which i cannot comprehend
where all the faces just pretend
and smile, just smile on my friend
so long as it gets you ahead
of kissing here and there to move
and rubbing elbows just to prove
your name in lights is sumpin special
and that cheer just sends you in a lull
of vacant, numb and empty souls
that sleep with sheep, and run with bulls
it's neither i, nor never was
the way i'd want, not just because
it's more, it's far much more for sure
though all get caught into its lure
i cannot follow all so blindly
and get behind that wheel behind me
cuz it's fickle, false reality
it's neither never nor will be
it's not the way i choose to see
so all that's left, is only me.

[ ~G.B ]

Starting to Separate

it's starting to break
it's starting to take
it's finally starting
to separate
i'm not trying to fake
or trying to wake
with this dreadful feel
that i've learned to hate
and no matter how late
that i change up this fate
and these lessons i learn
from mistakes i will make
but it's started to break
and i know it will take
cuz it's now finally
started to separate.

[ ~G.B ]

I can't find the words...

i feel like writing..
but i have no thoughts
i feel like saying
but it won't come out
i feel like telling
but it's not my turn
when i've done my part
and it all seems lost

i feel like changing
but it's not time yet
i feel like waking
up from this foul mess
i feel like choosing
but i'm only losing
to these constant mazes
that surround my phases

i feel like reaching
out towards what's there
i feel like holding
on to what's not there
i feel like grasping
but i'm only latching
onto false remainders
of these bitter endings

i feel like breaking
from this tired page
i feel like stepping
off onto this ledge
i feel like yelling
far too much right now
but i can't make a sound
when you're not around...

[ ~ G.B ]

- july 19th, 2009.

Of Stone and Sleep and Fabled Tales...

sleepless nights
with flurried dreams
take up more time
than it seems

bound to this
so tightly i'm wound
without a chance
to turn it around

cannot escape
it's bigger than me
and even at times
it is all i can see

so, i cast all aside
and drift off alone
cuz it's all i can do
with this heart turned to stone...

[ ~G.B ]

Goodnight.

when darkness falls
upon these sheets
and all that lays
here by my feet
when i'm broken down
and lost, i'm beat
when all that's left
is such defeat

cuz it's hard to see
through clouded air
when you cannot see
what's really there
and though i'll claim
how all's unfair
i wish i'd be
without a care

cuz mostly now
i'm just right here
and always will be
very near
and always will i
shed a tear
when thinking 'bout
what brought me here.

and sleep it comes
when it will come
and now this day
is far from done
and we're walking tall
this to and from
and it's easier
for sure, for some..


goodnight. goodnight.
from tired restless minds
and souls alike.
with sleep and dreams upon my head
i wish thee now
goodnight.
goodnight.

Most Honest Clarity.

It's funny how from time to time.. you set the glasses down
and suddenly the air, it clears and all the dust it seems to settle
and viewing things that once were cloudy, once were all just muddled
have seem to come so crisp and clear and clean of all distractions

engulfed in such a savage war for years that tired and wasted
every ounce of me.. of soul and mind and being and all that's lasted
of a tug of war, who's right? who's wrong? and endless back and forth
a battle ground that's soaked in blood. and tears from all that's happened

in battle mode, the armour's up.. and teeth and nails come out
you scream, you scratch, you wail and cry and shout your battle cry
no time for clarity and honest actions when defenses are all up
no time to near, no time to feel and witness your own fool actions

of pointing fingers left and right. of blaming all profoundly
i set the tone with lies and tales that only end things badly
of losing sight of basic things and burying all that you have mastered
and now the greatness of it all is lost within this pitiful performance

but it's time to set the daggers down.. and time to drop the shields
because it tires out your every limb and thought, to no avail...
it's time to call the troops in and it's time to raise the flag
and it's finally time to tell it all.. and finally time to sail.

i realize that there's no point in drudging up old memories
but i realize the importance of my confessions coming through to you
and i know how hard it must have been to live with such a burden
of my endless expectations of what should, and would and could have been

causing such commotion on a whim when feelings festered here
and tilted it from here to there and rocked the boat so senselessly
of leaning on your shoulder with a stubborness no one could shake
yet trying to maintain that frigidness and isolated cool and calm

when every moment of every day my world was all a-swarm with you
there's nothing, not a single thing that would've changed that any way
no matter who came in and out, they all just lingered casually...
and in denial i set myself up for nothing more than something temporary

perhaps, deep down i was so fixated on the constant war i played
that i never really cared or wanted more from other comrades
that i never really had the time to really want from something else
cuz i smothered myself involuntarily with forever fading romances

But all in all i see today the error of my most cruel ways
of the tongue that lashes out and cuts and burns and bites so viciously
of a hand that strikes so definitely.. and slams the door so loudly
it's easy to relate to how you've become indifferent to my tactics...

Yet, here i stand most honestly today in total view
to speak of my enlightenment and my new found clarity
for no other reason than to jot it down and clean away my messes
that have clogged and jammed up my insides for way too long a decade

And perhaps to even claim out loud that it wasn't only you at times
that shook and tore the seams apart and strangled these two hearts
in every dance there are two players that meet eachother part of the way
and to dance the dance along this way, it surely takes the both of us

there is no rhyme or reason here, just coming forth with buried words
that have never been known to me before and never been found or told
and i lay them here upon a slate of crumped up old faded dreams
in hopes to clear my sanity and end this long drawn comedy.

it overtakes your mind at will and takes you hostage randomly
and never do you have control of where it dares to take you, break you
It overtakes my mind, my Will and leaves me bleeding sensely....
so, time to clot the wound, once all the refuge has cleared out from it.

a weight so heavy, burdened on my shoulders for too long a time
it gently falls onto the ground and breaks off from my tired heart
my tired mind. my tired eyes. my tired feet that have walked so far
replaced now with much clarity and honesty.... it is a war i wage no longer.


[~G.B]

Hostility.

hostility. insensitivity. manic state of panic.
and everything it makes me swirl and overloaded frantic
insecurity of having you. insecurity of staying true.
and keeping you is just a game i always tend to lose
pushing further. just keep out. don't come too close now
when it's my love on the line.. i send it crashing to the ground


hostility. it's nothing new. nothing new to you.
stability is something vague that never seems to follow through
and still it captures all that's been and all that's now and here
and still i see the things i do. and all i feel i fear.
swelling up, cuz pride is big.. and even bigger is this pain
when all in all it's just another thing that's lost. nothing left to gain


hostility. my one true love. the way i've always known it best
and send them running far and scattered out just like the tired rest
just like a cat. caught in a cage. and lashing out with pointed claws
withdrawing is the only way. and being warey of that dreadful pause
of in betweens and ponderings. and knowing not of what's in store..
but hostility it rescues me and fails me so.. and leaves me worse off than before.


[ ~G.B ]