I knew you.

bright star

she grabs the rays of suns and sonnets
and glistens with pearls and diamonds
she sings a choir song so sweetly
she flies the night skies alongside ravens

she knows all darkness that exists
she's been there many times before
and brings  light most radiant
with mighty wings she soars

enchantress is a token word
but one that gives no justice
to a soul that burns the brightest
made up of divine bliss

but she's quick to fade away from you
at just the slightest hint
of dull and false activities
and leaves her heart imprint

with tender lips of yours to kiss
i never want to miss
a moment wasted well with you
such timely divine kiss

your touch upon my fingertips
so gentle each caress
makes shivers run right up my spine
as i press against your chest

there is no other match for me
or any counterpart
who's exquisite being excites me so
and captivates my heart

yet calm and steady rhythm plays
with each and every beat
whenever i am by your side
we generate such heat

of worldly magic set ablaze
the more we linger here
and i feel that time of destiny
is growing oh so near

so, think of me so sweetly
in every single dream
as we lay on stardust highways
and dance upon moon beams

and know that i am with you dear
no matter what the scene
for you and i are only one
with nothing in between




~g.  [ jan.5.2019 ---  letter to my beloved ]

my messy mess.

Healing is messy

It's sloppy

It's out of the lines kinda madness

It's really high

And then super low

With piles upon piles of stress

It's knowing deeply

Then feeling doubt

That kind that makes you lose your footing

It's grief that kills

And suffocates you

While you're between deep breaths and sobbing

Healing is exhausting

With endless layers

That you peel back so reluctantly

It's the alchemy

Of what is you

The you that's deeply, wholly, truly

The one you hid

And never showed

In fears of simply never being

Part of this

Or even that

And maybe now you're finally seeing

Just how much pain

You'll never gain

If you continue to deceive you

I want the rawness

I want it all

I want what is deep, divine and true

It's hard to be

In such a sea

Of inauthentic smiles and gestures

Best to retreat

And be discreet

And then stay away from these false lures

The reality is... I don't trust what I feel anymore.  The truth is bitter on my lips.

I've always been one to have my head in the clouds. Believing is madness.  

And "happy endings are only in the movies, max"

Best to be practical

 Steadfast. 

Forward moving. With my plans.

Forget the rest. The best and messed.

I'm done with painting pictures of things that don't exist.

I'm done with creating larger than life roles for protagonists who can't even pass for a shitty b class actor. 

Healing can be messy..

It can make you see the truth

Of every single thing around you that you've never seen before. 

But the truth will set you free

Of your guilded rusted cage

That kept you bound in dreams forever & now you finally can escape. 

giusi 🖤 dec.10.2019

Lessons Learned

What is the lesson here to learn..?

What kind of lesson makes you burn

In a fire so hungry that it consumes all

And yet have nothing to break your fall

What kind of lesson will make you see?

That there's no such thing as 'meant to be'

When you're thrown in pits of deep despair

And left to die within, while you gasp for air

What kind of lesson would make you cry?

While you're left to ponder the reason why

That the heavens above seem to show to you 

many things that are false, many things so untrue

What kind of lesson would bring such pain?

Leave you wondering if you have gone insane

Seeing signs and synchronicity in every which way

While your edges and sanity start to fray

What kind of lesson would disappoint so?

And in typical fashion, deliver a blow

So hard and so poignant, direct to your gut

you collapse to the ground & left wondering what..

the lessons that seem to be coming your way

To show you how wrong you have been every day

Cuz it never is how you have seemed to believe

And the angels and guides only seem to deceive

So, take all your lessons away from me now

I don't even know the who and the how

Of what I did think and feel deep in my soul

And the agony has by now taken its toll

So, finality comes to a close now at last

And complete is the lesson of the future & past

I have learned not to ever believe, not to trust

And that magic is nothing but a mere handful of dust... 

Fin.

-giusi.dec.1.2019

afraid to let you in.

a vulnerability like no other
susceptibility to this pain..
i lead a life far from others..
i tend to like it most that way
far in between the way you move me
i cannot shake this hold it has
of me and to the deepest core
and seems to last eternally
i know you well.. more than the others
i seem to have been here once before
a familiarity that lingers deeply
i know not what it means at all
for in the past that brings me closer
and draws me deeper down this hole
of what entwines us both together
from somewhere far and long ago
it scares me so to let you in
it frightens me most violently
the burn of fire quite this bright
must leave a mark if left unchecked
how do you tend to such a flame?
that shows you all your darkest parts?
yet tenderly warms up the spots
that have been hidden since the start
it beckons me with such a hunger
but still i turn away so swift
geography is no match at all
for this thread the binds two souls as such
but today i see it differently
so tired and so worn..
as i bring my white flag upwardly
it's time to stop this war..
a war within my very heart
that's kept me far away
from all the joys that long for me
and have lead me so astray
i raise my hands most definitely
towards the sky above
and i know i lay it on the line
to show myself right now......

but i need to be clear
and i need to be quick
and I need to say all that has come to the top
this is all about me
and all the things that i see
when i'm faced with all reality
is it wrong to believe
that we all have reprieve
if only for one quick short moment?
this space here is mine
i made it this way
so sacred , so quiet and free
i fought far too long
in battles before
to risk making this all go away
it's scary, you see
and you've never been one
to have all your cards out on the table
and it's shady, you see
to trust less than i see
when there's never assurance before me
but to know what i feel
is to know what is real
and i cannot deny it no longer
and it hurts when i breathe
how you run away, dear
but the road is a long one before us
so, i write all of this
to unload my burden
that falls heavy upon my bare chest
but you know all the rest
it's been said quite a bit
and i know that eternity's near

so, i propose one last thing
that you'll come to my end
and decide what it is that you feel
and perhaps you will see
that this road you will join
if you make it your mission to heal
i know you are strong
you're one of a kind
your passion and brightness astounds me
even though you don't know
and feel so quite inept..
you're the king of it all.. now just claim it.
or lie once again
and retreat to your caves
and you'll never know richness and greatness
of this kind that brings warmth
to the soul that's within
and a flame that heats hotter with passion
but the fear locks us in
never know or reveal
it's too scary to see how it fails us
not to take any chances
and leave before dancing
it's much safer and better this way..


it's much safer and better
and i know that i'm betting
too much if i just took a chance
cuz the fear is too real
and it takes over me
than to trust that it's a true romance......


{g.b.  03.18.2019}

capacity to love.

feel me here.   with your hands.  soft and close.  gentle and calm. calm and warm... soft and sweet.
it isn't something to ignore.  it isn't something you can hide from anymore.
it isn't something you can stall any longer.   it isn't something to deny. it isn't something to pass over.
it is you. it is me. it is was always you .. inside of you.   and inside of me. 
and it's growing so rapidly.. you cannot exhale. and you do not understand.
but that's okay.  you don't have to. not yet.  you're not there yet.
you will be soon.  but i can guide you. for i am you. you are me.
and it's here. and it's everywhere.  and it electrifies your skin.  and it makes no sense to you.
and you're scared. and that's okay. i know.
but it's okay.   just find you. inside you.    find you.  love you.  love you deeply. 
nothing else matters. except that love.  and the capacity of love you have to feel for yourself is so profound.    find it.  open it up. feel it. live it.  know it.  hold it. it's you. it's all.
the time is now.
you can no longer avoid this.   they won't let you. 
and you know this now. 
you must deal with your inner self...  calm the noise, ease the pain
understand only this.   that there is no use fighting  or resisting.
for it is in the path of least resistance that we truly glide through life on this energetic wave of euphoria and love.       
love. so much love.
give in. fully. completely.
it is you. 
step into you.
step into your power.
and your capacity to love.
if you only knew who you were and the crown you wear..
how bold and brilliant you are.
how heroic, strong, unwavering, compassionate and moving you are.
learn it. see it. feel it.
it is you.
it always was.
find it. find it now.
i'll be here.    .xo.


[ open letter to my mirror ]

You are nothing to me. (x infinity)

Erase all the thoughts, all the things, all that went on.
Erase all of them, clear the slate, now it's all gone.

Your lies, and your games, and your ruse that you play on,
Erased, from my mind, from my soul, from my heart drum.

That beats ever long, ever strong with my passion.
That sounds ever loud, such sweet song and attraction

That you'll never hold, never see, never witness
Nevermore, not again, on your life, you won't have this.

I have cleared all of you from my mind, you're deleted.
All because you have played with my heart and depleted

All of that which was good, which was bright, you made dimmer.
Now you'll no longer live in the light of my glimmer.

There are no memories of you I keep inside of me
Because there was no truth to you as far as i can see

So, be gone and gone for so so long, be gone for good this time
Because i'm over all this toxic waste and i'm running out of rhyme

I chose myself and let it run, away from what was wrong
I chose to be the chosen one, and sing my own true song.

So, erase.. erase.. each tiny little fragment of my memory
I want it gone, each bit of it, So that I will no longer see

A thought, an image .. a feeling, that may still linger on
I made it so it's gone, you see.. it was always just a con.

You matter not, no more, my friend, You matter not at all.
All feelings that were good and true, are now replaced or null.

Just apathy and most disgust for all you truly were,
To think i tried to help you once. a love that was so pure.

But every little bit of that is gone forever now.
I chose myself, this is the end, and now let's take a bow.

For you will never have me, or any part of me, you see..
Cuz for now and all eternity,  you will always just be nothing to me.

x infinity.