Apologies in advance..

mi perdoni
i'm sorry
but i didn't mean to
it's not a choice
that's easy for me
not guilty, yet so guilt-stricken am i
for something that i haven't done
but i can't say that i will not
when it's not for me to choose
and i'm torn between the two
it's not fair, and i despair
over feelings left unsaid
and i'm always playing dead
in fear of grounds i will not tread
but yet it's always in my head
i can't be free
not now.. not here.
and yet i try to make it better
a start again and things anew
we'll patch it up with just some glue

i want it to be..
i want it to be.
i wish it to be.
but still it won't be.

like drug clouded hazes
i'm walking through mazes
and desperately hoping
it leads me to you.

so please help me God
clear my mind from this drug
what's safer. what's saner.
make it better in time.

but i'm sorry for now
and i'm sorry for later
there's no way to fortell what will come
but i need to be true to myself this time around..
and just know that i've always loved you.