Time Trial.

my head is spinning and spinning out of control
i crumble and nosedive right onto the floor
my breath is gone.. through my mind my thoughts pour
and i'm sitting here contemplating getting back into war

am i sick? am i twisted? am i losing my mind?
do i want it? do i miss it? is there no one else to find?
can't forget it. cannot close it. you're a part of my design
and it seems to me i've never really ever been quite fine.

still i wonder and i question every reason, how's and why's
it's been so very long since i have finally learned not to cry
with choices made. the deal is done. stamped and shut. we've said goodbye.
.... but this, but that, but what if's too.. and maybe just one more try..

it's lunacy.. insanity.. pure rash thoughts running wild
but there's never going to be someone who'll ever make me smile
just the same way, just the right way.. i've just hid behind denial
and i think i might .. by some sheer chance.. rethink this for a while.

call me crazy. call me stupid. call me hopeless and deranged...
but there's only just that one. and maybe things have changed.
i'm just thinking. i'm just wonderin'.. and i'm just being kinda lame.
cuz maybe nuthin's different and it'll all just be the same.

but it's always there. and holding tight. there's nothing that will make it move
and try as you might. push and shove all you'd like.. i have nothing left to prove
but time has passed. it's been a while. and i just only want the truth...
and pages turn.. and slates are cleared... I think I know what i should do.