are you in it to win?

oblivious and unaware
it leaves me cold and feeling bare
and though i know it isn't fair
i'd never change, i wouldn't dare

so call me the loser and call me naive
but it's still so much better than being the thief
though all things are not always the way that they seem
i'm sure that some of this good grants me some small reprieve

when honesty has almost vanished
when all true hearts have dimmed and tarnished
when you think you've endured all you could've managed
and you're left all broken, bent and damaged

there is no cure and compromise
for someone else's dirty demise
and they'll all retreat behind their disguise
smiling blankly at you while they lie with their eyes

is it wrong just to hope and to contemplate
that they'll all maybe one day somehow just relate
but it's hard to be humble and sit here and wait
cuz i think for the most part, it's already too late

i just want what's due, to me and to you
to them and to all who have been right here too
i just wish that someday the good things will do
but who am i to speak, when i'm in it to lose.

It left a bad taste on my tongue...

when all at once the covers
have been pulled off with such force
and you've seen it all along
but yet you could not, would not, no
view the contents of that package
neither good and nor rewarding
never sweet and not fulfilling
never was and never will be
just a bunch of fabled stories
masks of heroes and no worry
of the real and honest truth
that it was never once his glory
but a lie of cheap dimensions
fills me up with such disgust
and i'm so done with all this hashin'
of velvet dreams and of things to come
when never honest, always was
but blind of all when it came to some
when it always showed immensely
the low grade of its appeal
but when your mind if foggy
you pick and choose what becomes real
so, with that said.. with all uncovered
and unveiling mysteries while you lay with lovers
i think i'll take it all right back
cuz it ain't worth a bit, never was..

... and never will be.

sconfitta.

i cannot make any more sense
of this past and present and future tense
of the why's and the how's and the who is to blame?
doesn't matter, no ... not really, cuz it's always the same.

when we're spinning in circles, so out of control
feeling deeply for it all really does take a toll
on your heart and your mind and on mostly your soul
but these wild strings of life will still tug and still pull

with a wish for what's simple and a sweet kind of peace
but my heart & my soul have been put up for lease
where the buyer beware of all that which may come
with this prison around me, it's become quite a sum

there's no longer a promise of answers and truth
and not even a mere suggestion of a permanent roof
and they say that it all happens for a very reason
but i've lost count and track of time with each passing season

the truth, there is none, as far as i'm concerned
just a lesson and a story from these fires that have burned
and no longer is the tale a happy one to tell
when all dreams and aspirations have been put up for sale...

Give up this fight.

because my feelings consume my very being
and I no longer know what i am seeing
and i can't afford to lose my mind again
for broken love every now and then

What's left but to write.

* * *


What's left there to try?
when i can barely cry
and question the why
yet there's still no goodbye
and the river is dry
with the last of my sigh
and the both of our lies
always in a disguise


what's left there to say?
and convince me to stay
always feeling betrayed
maybe wait one more day
and we'll soon find a way
i do hope, and i pray
still these games we do play
yet we can't walk away

what's left there to think?
always feeling my heart sink
when i'm right on the brink
with this knot to unlink

what's left there to do?
when you want to be true
and all i feel is blue
well, i just haven't got a clue...


* * *

a tale of nothing.

when suddenly mere words seem too dull
and lifeless to even begin to explain
just exactly every single thing
and exactly the way i would say

so, it's best to say nothing
and cause some distraction
cuz it's more than my actions
giving such dissatisfaction

too weird, much too tangled
to draw you a picture
and no matter the reasons
no one's ever really sure

i don't understand it
i can't seem to make sense
and now the air all around
has gotten really tense

it's not what i choose
or how i planned anything
when i can't comprehend
when no one speaks or even sings

when neither me and neither him
and never you it ever was
and it never really mattered
just because it never does

if i could change it up one way
and shape it up just perfectly
i still would not be clear
on how to mould the plaster here

so as i send apologies
for being stubborn, cold, abrupt
there are no answers or replies
so no one dares to interrupt.

I don't have a title.

trash removal on this day
only to avoid such total dismay
when i want to pick up and go
and just start on a brand new road
away from the chaos inside of my mind
to whatever simple peace that i might find
when the path is marked for disaster
it's only normal to wanna run faster
and quicken my pace
maybe vanish without a trace
it'd be nice. it'd be good
i really would if i could
when i can't seem to fight
or hold on with my might
and life just swallows you whole
and spits you further from your goal
not that you even knew
at any moment just what to do
but isolation seems best right now
while these lines are forming in my brow
on knowing why or when or what
can pull me out of this fucking rut
some space to think and figure out
just what the hell this shit's about
and in the meantime i'll drift away
to silence all the things i cannot say.