occupy my time

It occupies my time.. 

and often occupies my mind

As it leaves a sudden image 

and smile and soft sigh

And I cannot dare deny

That this is insignificant & small

But oh how I do with open arms

welcome this slow and steady fall

distraction .. or  infraction

Upon my weary heart

Is something I don't care to know

with each and every false start

so, take over all of my senses

And change my mind or tune

cuz thinking saucy thoughts of you

Is all I want to do.  

- G.🖤

Ever was.

It was just you.

I knew you.

bright star

she grabs the rays of suns and sonnets
and glistens with pearls and diamonds
she sings a choir song so sweetly
she flies the night skies alongside ravens

she knows all darkness that exists
she's been there many times before
and brings  light most radiant
with mighty wings she soars

enchantress is a token word
but one that gives no justice
to a soul that burns the brightest
made up of divine bliss

but she's quick to fade away from you
at just the slightest hint
of dull and false activities
and leaves her heart imprint

with tender lips of yours to kiss
i never want to miss
a moment wasted well with you
such timely divine kiss

your touch upon my fingertips
so gentle each caress
makes shivers run right up my spine
as i press against your chest

there is no other match for me
or any counterpart
who's exquisite being excites me so
and captivates my heart

yet calm and steady rhythm plays
with each and every beat
whenever i am by your side
we generate such heat

of worldly magic set ablaze
the more we linger here
and i feel that time of destiny
is growing oh so near

so, think of me so sweetly
in every single dream
as we lay on stardust highways
and dance upon moon beams

and know that i am with you dear
no matter what the scene
for you and i are only one
with nothing in between




~g.  [ jan.5.2019 ---  letter to my beloved ]

my messy mess.

Healing is messy

It's sloppy

It's out of the lines kinda madness

It's really high

And then super low

With piles upon piles of stress

It's knowing deeply

Then feeling doubt

That kind that makes you lose your footing

It's grief that kills

And suffocates you

While you're between deep breaths and sobbing

Healing is exhausting

With endless layers

That you peel back so reluctantly

It's the alchemy

Of what is you

The you that's deeply, wholly, truly

The one you hid

And never showed

In fears of simply never being

Part of this

Or even that

And maybe now you're finally seeing

Just how much pain

You'll never gain

If you continue to deceive you

I want the rawness

I want it all

I want what is deep, divine and true

It's hard to be

In such a sea

Of inauthentic smiles and gestures

Best to retreat

And be discreet

And then stay away from these false lures

The reality is... I don't trust what I feel anymore.  The truth is bitter on my lips.

I've always been one to have my head in the clouds. Believing is madness.  

And "happy endings are only in the movies, max"

Best to be practical

 Steadfast. 

Forward moving. With my plans.

Forget the rest. The best and messed.

I'm done with painting pictures of things that don't exist.

I'm done with creating larger than life roles for protagonists who can't even pass for a shitty b class actor. 

Healing can be messy..

It can make you see the truth

Of every single thing around you that you've never seen before. 

But the truth will set you free

Of your guilded rusted cage

That kept you bound in dreams forever & now you finally can escape. 

giusi 🖤 dec.10.2019

Lessons Learned

What is the lesson here to learn..?

What kind of lesson makes you burn

In a fire so hungry that it consumes all

And yet have nothing to break your fall

What kind of lesson will make you see?

That there's no such thing as 'meant to be'

When you're thrown in pits of deep despair

And left to die within, while you gasp for air

What kind of lesson would make you cry?

While you're left to ponder the reason why

That the heavens above seem to show to you 

many things that are false, many things so untrue

What kind of lesson would bring such pain?

Leave you wondering if you have gone insane

Seeing signs and synchronicity in every which way

While your edges and sanity start to fray

What kind of lesson would disappoint so?

And in typical fashion, deliver a blow

So hard and so poignant, direct to your gut

you collapse to the ground & left wondering what..

the lessons that seem to be coming your way

To show you how wrong you have been every day

Cuz it never is how you have seemed to believe

And the angels and guides only seem to deceive

So, take all your lessons away from me now

I don't even know the who and the how

Of what I did think and feel deep in my soul

And the agony has by now taken its toll

So, finality comes to a close now at last

And complete is the lesson of the future & past

I have learned not to ever believe, not to trust

And that magic is nothing but a mere handful of dust... 

Fin.

-giusi.dec.1.2019